http://www.thefrisky.com/2009-06-01/first-time-for-everything-spanking/
http://www.yourtango.com/200935652/emotional-side-rough-sex
And the answer is - like most things in life - some do, some don't. But the surprising thing for me is that a large number of women including intelligent smart women actually say YES. They enjoy being dominated during sex if they are in the mood for it.
Domination sex is primeval. It pulls us back to the past - its fantasy. It will allow you to explore a side of you that you considered dark, exciting.
The idea of domination/submission in sex would seem absolutely perverse to any feminist. Not too long ago I assumed that no woman would enjoy rough sex - the idea was anathema. I've been brought up to treat women kindly. To open doors for them. To treat them with gentleness and utmost respect. And yes women appreciate such gestures but they also (some) enjoyed being banged hard. "Seriously WTF?!"
After asking some close female friends they candidly admitted that they enjoyed the feeling of submission and being dominated in bed. No, they weren't abused as children or suffer from daddy complexes. They were pretty, normal, well adjusted women.
There seem to be a deep seated desire within some women for the man to be a man which allows her to come back to a feminine role in bed. Sex is a little more than the gentle romantic loving lovemaking with KennyG music in the background. Read the two links above. Some women want the man to take charge and to desire and ravish her like there is no tomorrow.
Usually these girls who are more comfortable about their sexuality and body. They are not ashamed about their sexuality nor do they think that sex is a sin or that their body is somehow inherently dirty or evil.
What does "being dominated during sex" mean? Its a Tango sex dance where the guy takes firm control of the lead.
(Domination sex/ rough sex is also going to illicit a lot of negative replies. I think some of the more dangerous and sinister ones borders and leads onto rape and abuse. Look, let's not go to the extremes. This is the 21st century - rape and abuse is wrong, evil. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship - ie one where your partner does not respect you, belittles, and physically and mentally torments you and also forces you without your consent to have sex - please get out of it.)
Being dominated during sex is basically allowing the male lover to take control of the lovemaking totally and willingly.* Its giving him the authority and you submit to it. You are there for his pleasure. This may mean he will push her boundaries and maybe even inflict some pain. (The reverse opposite may also transpire - ie. the guy is the submissive and the girl is dominant. If that's what you2 are into - that's OK2 - haha) You may think of pain as something awful and to be avoided. However we endure a fair bit of pain when we go running, rock climbing, exercising in the gym, or getting a deep tissue massage. Obviously we're not talking about the sort of pain that takes you to the hospital in an ambulance.
This would involve:
1. the man firmly initiating, leading and ordering the woman to do what he wants in the bedroom.
2. holding the woman down during sex.
3. the woman being roughly kissed, groped, face fucked.
4. slapping. face slapping, bum slapping
5. Passion and Spontaneity - which means the dude not randomly/frequently stopping, lying back, and asking questions like "are you ok?"**
6. the use of coarse or vulgar language like calling her a bitch, whore or getting her to say submissive things like "Please fuck me" etc..
7. indulging in fantasy - BDSM etc..
8. Honesty: she has to be upfront over what she doesn't like to do. If she says she hates it- don't do it.
9. Important: the use of safe words or gestures to half proceedings, esp. to prevent injury. There is a clear need to go with the flow but a safety valve has to be in place. "Ow!!!", "STOP STOP", or special ones like "Rain".
*The key here is all this - its the indulgence of a fantasy: the submission, the loss of control while pushing her boundaries, has to be done within safe limits - and the girl has the clear cut power to end the action if it goes beyond her comfort zone or health. Its the same thrill from a roller coaster ride, parachuting out of an airplane, watching a horror film. The girl will experience a certain loss of control, being uncomfortable etc.. but this has to be done within safe limits to prevent it from becoming abuse, or worse causing serious injury.
** The dominant (ie the male) should be careful that he is not going so far as to endanger her health, well-being, and personal safety. Having said that - if you frequently stop once the heat is on you're going to spoil the rhythm - but that requires you to actually have a certain amount of common sense and emotional connection with your partner for this and not cause actual harm. That's why the use of safe words or gestures is very important. If you don't know - please take your time to talk to your partner and work it out.
If she doesn't want it, don't do it. Don't force her to do what she doesn't want. That's dangerous.
A girl who allows herself to be dominated during sex - will want to do it with a lover who respects her (boundaries) and treats her with dignity outside the bedroom. This would enable her to allow herself to be vulnerable, soft, feminine, and to let go without fear - like bungee jumping. I mean one reason why people bungee jump is to experience that adrenalin rush - but no one (in her right mind) is going to jump if there was a serious danger of getting injured.
The key words here are paradoxically trust, respect. Moreover the couple should feel comfortable and know each other well - as well as their own limits. Domination/ Rough sex is a roller coaster ride. You ride that baby, you scream, and then you get off and walk out the gate feeling exhilarated and have a cup of hot tea.
***
The other issue is of course - do men like dominating women during sex? Personally I think the word dominating sounds ridiculous. Maybe a better word would be taking the lead during sex?
As a man, I might as well give my point of view on this. I enjoy the thrill of it. I enjoy playing the masculine role, being the active participant in the moment. Not that I want my girl to just lie back - passive like - like a lump of clay. No, no. I want her to also play an active role in it - but one that mainly follows my lead and my direction. Its a Tango dance. Trust is sexy. Trust in letting me take the reins. Trust in letting me drive her to oblivion. Power is sexy. I love how she submits and lets me take charge. And exerting my strength on her, gripping her tightly, and overwhelming her with my masculine desire is really a powerful aphrodisiac. Most of all I enjoy that she enjoys it and wants more.
This of course should not be a constant theme in all sexual relationships otherwise that would become predictable, boring, and just plain wrong and selfish. But it should be an area that you might want to explore from time to time.
If you are academically inclined and want to read up on it. Here are some references:
Bancroft, J. The endocrinology of sexual arousal. J Endocrinol, 186:411-427, 2005.
Chivers ML, G Rieger, E Latty and JM Bailey. A sex difference in the specificity of sexual arousal. Psychol Sci, 15:736-744, 2004.
Graham CA, SA Sanders, RR Milhausen and KR McBride. Turning on and turning off: A focus group study of the factors that affect women’s sexual arousal. Arch Sex Behav, 33:527-538, 2004.
Hald GM. Gender differences in pornography consumption among young heterosexual Danish adults. Arch Sex Behav, 35:577-585, 2006.
Hoffmann H, E Janssen and SL Turner. Classical conditioning of sexual arousal in women and men: Effects of varying awareness and biological relevance of the conditioned stimulus. Arch Sex Behav, 33:43-53, 2004.
Laan E, W Everaerd, R van Berlo and L Rijs. Mood and sexual arousal in women. Behav Res Ther, 33:441-443, 1995.
Leitenberg H and K Henning. Sexual fantasy. Psychol Bull, 117:469-496, 1995.
Rokach A. Content analysis of sexual fantasies of males and females. J Psychol, 124:427-436, 1990.
Strassberg DS and LK Lockerd. Force in women’s sexual fantasies. Arch Sex Behav, 27:403-414, 1998.
Variety staff. Nine 1/2 Weeks. www.variety.com January 1 1986.
Yost MR and EL Zurbriggen. Gender differences in the enactment of sociosexuality: An examination of implicit social motives, sexual fantasies, coercive sexual attitudes, and aggressive sexual behavior. J Sex Res, 43:163-173, 2006.
Youn G. Subjective sexual arousal in response to erotica: Effects of gender, guided fantasy, erotic stimulus, and duration of exposure. Arch Sex Behav, 35:87-97, 2006.
- don’t push it to the point that she feels frightened or overly uncomfortable.
References:
Bancroft, J. The endocrinology of sexual arousal. J Endocrinol, 186:411-427, 2005.
Chivers ML, G Rieger, E Latty and JM Bailey. A sex difference in the specificity of sexual arousal. Psychol Sci, 15:736-744, 2004.
Graham CA, SA Sanders, RR Milhausen and KR McBride. Turning on and turning off: A focus group study of the factors that affect women’s sexual arousal. Arch Sex Behav, 33:527-538, 2004.
Hald GM. Gender differences in pornography consumption among young heterosexual Danish adults. Arch Sex Behav, 35:577-585, 2006.
Hoffmann H, E Janssen and SL Turner. Classical conditioning of sexual arousal in women and men: Effects of varying awareness and biological relevance of the conditioned stimulus. Arch Sex Behav, 33:43-53, 2004.
Laan E, W Everaerd, R van Berlo and L Rijs. Mood and sexual arousal in women. Behav Res Ther, 33:441-443, 1995.
Leitenberg H and K Henning. Sexual fantasy. Psychol Bull, 117:469-496, 1995.
Rokach A. Content analysis of sexual fantasies of males and females. J Psychol, 124:427-436, 1990.
Strassberg DS and LK Lockerd. Force in women’s sexual fantasies. Arch Sex Behav, 27:403-414, 1998.
Variety staff. Nine 1/2 Weeks. www.variety.com January 1 1986.
Yost MR and EL Zurbriggen. Gender differences in the enactment of sociosexuality: An examination of implicit social motives, sexual fantasies, coercive sexual attitudes, and aggressive sexual behavior. J Sex Res, 43:163-173, 2006.
Youn G. Subjective sexual arousal in response to erotica: Effects of gender, guided fantasy, erotic stimulus, and duration of exposure. Arch Sex Behav, 35:87-97, 2006.
- See more at: http://fitnessrxformen.com/lifestyle/get-your-woman-to-long-for-rough-sex/#sthash.QlHajDFb.dpuf
Neanderthal
sex can add an exciting dimension to your sexual repertoire. It can set
you apart from the yuppies and metrosexuals she is used to dating. It
can also lead to sexual abuse, resentment and get you in a lot of
trouble. Be prudent and use your head (the big head).
References:
Bancroft, J. The endocrinology of sexual arousal. J Endocrinol, 186:411-427, 2005.
Chivers ML, G Rieger, E Latty and JM Bailey. A sex difference in the specificity of sexual arousal. Psychol Sci, 15:736-744, 2004.
Graham CA, SA Sanders, RR Milhausen and KR McBride. Turning on and turning off: A focus group study of the factors that affect women’s sexual arousal. Arch Sex Behav, 33:527-538, 2004.
Hald GM. Gender differences in pornography consumption among young heterosexual Danish adults. Arch Sex Behav, 35:577-585, 2006.
Hoffmann H, E Janssen and SL Turner. Classical conditioning of sexual arousal in women and men: Effects of varying awareness and biological relevance of the conditioned stimulus. Arch Sex Behav, 33:43-53, 2004.
Laan E, W Everaerd, R van Berlo and L Rijs. Mood and sexual arousal in women. Behav Res Ther, 33:441-443, 1995.
Leitenberg H and K Henning. Sexual fantasy. Psychol Bull, 117:469-496, 1995.
Rokach A. Content analysis of sexual fantasies of males and females. J Psychol, 124:427-436, 1990.
Strassberg DS and LK Lockerd. Force in women’s sexual fantasies. Arch Sex Behav, 27:403-414, 1998.
Variety staff. Nine 1/2 Weeks. www.variety.com January 1 1986.
Yost MR and EL Zurbriggen. Gender differences in the enactment of sociosexuality: An examination of implicit social motives, sexual fantasies, coercive sexual attitudes, and aggressive sexual behavior. J Sex Res, 43:163-173, 2006.
Youn G. Subjective sexual arousal in response to erotica: Effects of gender, guided fantasy, erotic stimulus, and duration of exposure. Arch Sex Behav, 35:87-97, 2006.
- See more at: http://fitnessrxformen.com/lifestyle/get-your-woman-to-long-for-rough-sex/#sthash.QlHajDFb.dpuf
References:
Bancroft, J. The endocrinology of sexual arousal. J Endocrinol, 186:411-427, 2005.
Chivers ML, G Rieger, E Latty and JM Bailey. A sex difference in the specificity of sexual arousal. Psychol Sci, 15:736-744, 2004.
Graham CA, SA Sanders, RR Milhausen and KR McBride. Turning on and turning off: A focus group study of the factors that affect women’s sexual arousal. Arch Sex Behav, 33:527-538, 2004.
Hald GM. Gender differences in pornography consumption among young heterosexual Danish adults. Arch Sex Behav, 35:577-585, 2006.
Hoffmann H, E Janssen and SL Turner. Classical conditioning of sexual arousal in women and men: Effects of varying awareness and biological relevance of the conditioned stimulus. Arch Sex Behav, 33:43-53, 2004.
Laan E, W Everaerd, R van Berlo and L Rijs. Mood and sexual arousal in women. Behav Res Ther, 33:441-443, 1995.
Leitenberg H and K Henning. Sexual fantasy. Psychol Bull, 117:469-496, 1995.
Rokach A. Content analysis of sexual fantasies of males and females. J Psychol, 124:427-436, 1990.
Strassberg DS and LK Lockerd. Force in women’s sexual fantasies. Arch Sex Behav, 27:403-414, 1998.
Variety staff. Nine 1/2 Weeks. www.variety.com January 1 1986.
Yost MR and EL Zurbriggen. Gender differences in the enactment of sociosexuality: An examination of implicit social motives, sexual fantasies, coercive sexual attitudes, and aggressive sexual behavior. J Sex Res, 43:163-173, 2006.
Youn G. Subjective sexual arousal in response to erotica: Effects of gender, guided fantasy, erotic stimulus, and duration of exposure. Arch Sex Behav, 35:87-97, 2006.
- See more at: http://fitnessrxformen.com/lifestyle/get-your-woman-to-long-for-rough-sex/#sthash.QlHajDFb.dpuf
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