Saturday, August 30, 2008

Classic Arcade Games

http://www.classicgamesarcade.com/
Classic Games Arcade is a free playable flash online classic arcade games website. We have lots of free classic games which you can add to your blog or website. Old arcade games include Pac-man, Raiden, Galaga, Street fighter, and Frogger.

Friday, August 29, 2008

La Rascasse Bunaken-Lembeh Diving in the Celebes Sea

Check it out! Ameilia dives at the world famous Lembeh Straits - which is near an active volcano!

The house she stays at looks waaaaay cool!!!


She recommends La Racasse Resort, Minahasa, "Minahasa Divers" are its managers. They really really have excellent service,.. nice food, nice staff, clean rooms, and of course...excellent service for divers too!!!!
check this out: http://www.minahasadivers.com

Battlestar Galactica Cylon Toaster /..

Lol. Sci-fi channel came out with a Cylon Toaster. Don't know why they didn't keep it in production...

http://dvice.com/archives/2008/08/dvice_tv_watch.php

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Battlestar Galactica Cylon Toaster /..

Lol. Sci-fi channel came out with a Cylon Toaster. Don't know why they didn't keep it in production...

http://dvice.com/archives/2008/08/dvice_tv_watch.php

Why you should dread a left wing revolution

One thing very ironic about left wing revolutions - French Revolution, Soviet Revolution, China's Communist Revolution, Vietnam, North Korea, Cuban Revolution, Pol Pot etc.. is that - despite the fact that the revolutionaries preach about bring Peace and Justice and Democratic rights for the common people - despite such lofty noble goals - they 100% end up being absolute tyrannical monsters.

Now whilst I support people's right to protest about the War in Iraq - they seriously strike me as a bunch of hypocrites and naiveidiots.

They frequently complain that their rights are infringed ... ie that their right to free speech is denied - and yet ironically they behave in obnoxious hypocritical ways to their opponents.Watch the video - and see how a bunch of white men peace activists howl and harass a small Asian woman and threaten her whilst shouting "Love, Peace, Justice". Its horrible. God help us if these bastards ever got into power. The action starts 3.30 minutes into the video.

Click on the link here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU42hL0T18c

Nun running orphanges gang raped and burned alive

How sad our world is. I mean wtf. We think we have problems.... but this sort really goes beyond the extreme. I'm going to try and have more of this sort of news in my blog. We should all can pray for peace and order and justice.... and for God's vengeance on the perpetrators.

http://www.asianews.it/index.php?l=en&art=13056&size=A

Bubaneshwar (AsiaNews) – A Catholic nun was burnt alive by a group of Hindu fundamentalists who stormed the orphanage she ran in the district of Bargarh (Orissa), this according to Police Superintendent Ashok Biswall. A priest who was at the orphanage was also badly hurt and is now being treated in hospital for multiple burns. Another nun from Bubaneshwar’s Social Centre was gang raped by groups of Hindu extremists before the building housing the facility was set on fire. Sources also told AsiaNews that elsewhere one priest was wounded and two other were abducted. The list of violent anti-Christian acts is thus getting longer.

For the past two days the state of Orissa (north-east India) has been racked by violence following the assassination of radical Hindu leader Swami Laxanananda Saraswati.
Churches, community and pastoral centres, convents and orphanages have been attacked yesterday and today by mobs shouting “Kill the Christians; destroy their institutions.”
Tensions in the state are in fact still running high. The Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) has planned demonstrations for today and tomorrow. Gangs of Hindu fanatics from the VHP as well as Sangh Parivar are roaming roads and villages, setting up road blocks, sending their own members on raids of plunder and violence.
According to firsthand accounts the archdiocese’s social centre was attacked and torched. Before that the attackers raped Sister Meena, a nun working at the centre.
The local pastoral centre, which has escaped destruction in last December’s violence, is now a total wreck. Father Thomas, who ran the facility, is in hospital with serious head injuries.
Speaking to AsiaNews Fr Ajay Singh also said that a nun was burnt alive in an orphanage she ran in the district of Bargarh.
Elsewhere Sisters of Mother Teresa have been attacked by stone-throwing Hindu militants with one seriously injured.
All Christian institutions are now in danger because mobs of Hindu radicals are roaming the streets, breaking down doors and smashing windows, including in some cases Christian homes. Many priests and nuns have had to escape.
In Bubaneshwar Hindu militants stoned the Archbishop’s residence, but did not dare invade the place because of police presence.
In Phulbani the parish church and the home of local clergy were attacked and set on fire. All local priests fled and found refuge in the homes of some of members of the local congregation.
The youth hostel that houses students who study in Phulbani has also been torched.
Some missionaries of Charity who were attending a health course in Brahamanigoan were blocked for hours in the village.
Elsewhere nuns left their convent finding shelter in some school buildings.


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Peace Activists want to murder a small Asian woman... so sad.


One thing very ironic about left wing revolutions - French Revolution, Soviet Revolution, China's Communist Revolution, Vietnam, North Korea, Cuban Revolution, Pol Pot etc.. is that - despite the fact that the revolutionaries preach about bring Peace and Justice and Democratic rights for the common people - despite such lofty noble goals - they 100% end up being absolute tyrannical monsters.

Now whilst I support people's right to protest about the War in Iraq - they seriously strike me as a bunch of hypocrites and naiveidiots.

They frequently complain that their rights are infringed ... ie that their right to free speech is denied - and yet ironically  they behave in obnoxious hypocritical ways to their opponents.Watch the video - and see how a bunch of white men peace activists howl and harass a small Asian woman and threaten to kill her whilst shouting "Love, Peace, Justice!!!". These same people claim they want free speech, yet see the way they scream and shout down a small woman. What @#$%ers.

I mean how fubar can you get? God help us if these bastards ever got into power. The action starts 3.30 minutes into the video.

Why you should dread a left wing revolution

One thing very ironic about left wing revolutions - French Revolution, Soviet Revolution, China's Communist Revolution, Vietnam, North Korea, Cuban Revolution, Pol Pot etc.. is that - despite the fact that the revolutionaries preach about bring Peace and Justice and Democratic rights for the common people - despite such lofty noble goals - they 100% end up being absolute tyrannical monsters.

Now whilst I support people's right to protest about the War in Iraq - they seriously strike me as a bunch of hypocrites and naiveidiots.

They frequently complain that their rights are infringed ... ie that their right to free speech is denied - and yet ironically they behave in obnoxious hypocritical ways to their opponents.Watch the video - and see how a bunch of white men peace activists howl and harass a small Asian woman and threaten her whilst shouting "Love, Peace, Justice". Its horrible. God help us if these bastards ever got into power. The action starts 3.30 minutes into the video.

Click on the link here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU42hL0T18c

Nun running orphanges gang raped and burned alive

How sad our world is. I mean wtf. We think we have problems.... but this sort really goes beyond the extreme. I'm going to try and have more of this sort of news in my blog. We should all can pray for peace and order and justice.... and for God's vengeance on the perpetrators.

http://www.asianews.it/index.php?l=en&art=13056&size=A

Bubaneshwar (AsiaNews) – A Catholic nun was burnt alive by a group of Hindu fundamentalists who stormed the orphanage she ran in the district of Bargarh (Orissa), this according to Police Superintendent Ashok Biswall. A priest who was at the orphanage was also badly hurt and is now being treated in hospital for multiple burns. Another nun from Bubaneshwar’s Social Centre was gang raped by groups of Hindu extremists before the building housing the facility was set on fire. Sources also told AsiaNews that elsewhere one priest was wounded and two other were abducted. The list of violent anti-Christian acts is thus getting longer.

For the past two days the state of Orissa (north-east India) has been racked by violence following the assassination of radical Hindu leader Swami Laxanananda Saraswati.

Churches, community and pastoral centres, convents and orphanages have been attacked yesterday and today by mobs shouting “Kill the Christians; destroy their institutions.”

Tensions in the state are in fact still running high. The Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) has planned demonstrations for today and tomorrow. Gangs of Hindu fanatics from the VHP as well as Sangh Parivar are roaming roads and villages, setting up road blocks, sending their own members on raids of plunder and violence.

According to firsthand accounts the archdiocese’s social centre was attacked and torched. Before that the attackers raped Sister Meena, a nun working at the centre.

The local pastoral centre, which has escaped destruction in last December’s violence, is now a total wreck. Father Thomas, who ran the facility, is in hospital with serious head injuries.

Speaking to AsiaNews Fr Ajay Singh also said that a nun was burnt alive in an orphanage she ran in the district of Bargarh.

Elsewhere Sisters of Mother Teresa have been attacked by stone-throwing Hindu militants with one seriously injured.

All Christian institutions are now in danger because mobs of Hindu radicals are roaming the streets, breaking down doors and smashing windows, including in some cases Christian homes. Many priests and nuns have had to escape.

In Bubaneshwar Hindu militants stoned the Archbishop’s residence, but did not dare invade the place because of police presence.

In Phulbani the parish church and the home of local clergy were attacked and set on fire. All local priests fled and found refuge in the homes of some of members of the local congregation.

The youth hostel that houses students who study in Phulbani has also been torched.

Some missionaries of Charity who were attending a health course in Brahamanigoan were blocked for hours in the village.

Elsewhere nuns left their convent finding shelter in some school buildings.


Nun running orphanges gang raped and burned alive

How sad our world is. I mean wtf. We think we have problems.... but this sort really goes beyond the extreme. I'm going to try and have more of this sort of news in my blog. We should all can pray for peace and order and justice.... and for God's vengeance on the perpetrators.

http://www.asianews.it/index.php?l=en&art=13056&size=A

Bubaneshwar (AsiaNews) – A Catholic nun was burnt alive by a group of Hindu fundamentalists who stormed the orphanage she ran in the district of Bargarh (Orissa), this according to Police Superintendent Ashok Biswall. A priest who was at the orphanage was also badly hurt and is now being treated in hospital for multiple burns. Another nun from Bubaneshwar’s Social Centre was gang raped by groups of Hindu extremists before the building housing the facility was set on fire. Sources also told AsiaNews that elsewhere one priest was wounded and two other were abducted. The list of violent anti-Christian acts is thus getting longer.

For the past two days the state of Orissa (north-east India) has been racked by violence following the assassination of radical Hindu leader Swami Laxanananda Saraswati.

Churches, community and pastoral centres, convents and orphanages have been attacked yesterday and today by mobs shouting “Kill the Christians; destroy their institutions.”

Tensions in the state are in fact still running high. The Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) has planned demonstrations for today and tomorrow. Gangs of Hindu fanatics from the VHP as well as Sangh Parivar are roaming roads and villages, setting up road blocks, sending their own members on raids of plunder and violence.

According to firsthand accounts the archdiocese’s social centre was attacked and torched. Before that the attackers raped Sister Meena, a nun working at the centre.

The local pastoral centre, which has escaped destruction in last December’s violence, is now a total wreck. Father Thomas, who ran the facility, is in hospital with serious head injuries.

Speaking to AsiaNews Fr Ajay Singh also said that a nun was burnt alive in an orphanage she ran in the district of Bargarh.

Elsewhere Sisters of Mother Teresa have been attacked by stone-throwing Hindu militants with one seriously injured.

All Christian institutions are now in danger because mobs of Hindu radicals are roaming the streets, breaking down doors and smashing windows, including in some cases Christian homes. Many priests and nuns have had to escape.

In Bubaneshwar Hindu militants stoned the Archbishop’s residence, but did not dare invade the place because of police presence.

In Phulbani the parish church and the home of local clergy were attacked and set on fire. All local priests fled and found refuge in the homes of some of members of the local congregation.

The youth hostel that houses students who study in Phulbani has also been torched.

Some missionaries of Charity who were attending a health course in Brahamanigoan were blocked for hours in the village.

Elsewhere nuns left their convent finding shelter in some school buildings.


ANZ Bank falls 50% etc..

I don't hold shares in any banks at the moment. But seeing the share prices of banks fall by 50% is quite frightening.

Example: This is the chart for ANZ Bank. Its fallen by over 50% in value in the last 12 months. Not unusual - all the other jokers in the pack, NAB, Macquarie, Westpac, CommBank etc.. have done the same or worse.

Quite amazing - its like seeing a big horrible train wreck. I was recommending my friends NOT to buy bank stocks but I myself didn't realize it was going to be this bad.

Goes to show you the buy and hold forever theory doesn't work so well sometimes.

It's probably a good time now to consider buying banks like ANZ - but only for short term gains due to the high market volatility - and only using play money.

(On the technical side: you can see that the support was breached at $28 and showing warning signs of a fall out).




Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Why Japan doesn't rule the world

In the 1980s, it was widely assumed that Japan would dominate and control the world in the future... totally. Everyone would be speaking Japanese and Japanese corporations would own everything... including your kitchen sink.

One thing puzzles me quite a bit about the Japanese though. They've sometimes got a fubar way of thinking.

Check this out:

Japanese Scientist have claimed that after killing 4,500+ whales that Global Warming may... be responsible for whales getting thiner and may be in danger of extinction as a result.

Yes, you read that right. After slaughtering thousands of  rare endangered whales over the last 20 years - Japanese scientist reckon global warming is posing a risk to the  whale population.

So sad. Click on the photo for the full article.


How to be work smart in the 21st century. LOL.




ANZ Bank falls 50% etc..

I don't hold shares in any banks at the moment. But seeing the share prices of banks fall by 50% is quite frightening.

Example: This is the chart for ANZ Bank. Its fallen by over 50% in value in the last 12 months. Not unusual - all the other jokers in the pack, NAB, Macquarie, Westpac, CommBank etc.. have done the same or worse.

Quite amazing - its like seeing a big horrible train wreck. I was recommending my friends NOT to buy bank stocks but I myself didn't realize it was going to be this bad.

Goes to show you the buy and hold forever theory doesn't work so well sometimes.

It's probably a good time now to consider buying banks like ANZ - but only for short term gains due to the high market volatility - and only using play money.

(On the technical side: you can see that the support was breached at $28 and showing warning signs of a fall out).




ANZ Bank falls 50% etc..

I don't hold shares in any banks at the moment. But seeing the share prices of banks fall by 50% is quite frightening.

Example: This is the chart for ANZ Bank. Its fallen by over 50% in value in the last 12 months. Not unusual - all the other jokers in the pack, NAB, Macquarie, Westpac, CommBank etc.. have done the same or worse.

Quite amazing - its like seeing a big horrible train wreck. I was recommending my friends NOT to buy bank stocks but I myself didn't realize it was going to be this bad.

Goes to show you the buy and hold forever theory doesn't work so well sometimes.

It's probably a good time now to consider buying banks like ANZ - but only for short term gains due to the high market volatility - and only using play money.

(On the technical side: you can see that the support was breached at $28 and showing warning signs of a fall out).




Monday, August 25, 2008

My Prayer for today.

Oh Lord God,
Forgive me for falling into despair
But I am a drowning man.
Forgive me for taking my eyes off you and staring at the waves and wind.
Help me get up on my feet
And walk again on water I pray.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Oh dear. Christian pastor addicted to porn, lied about cancer

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/08/24/2344811.htm

Plain and simple. The preacher of a good Christian church lied about having cancer. And he's also addicted to porn. Disaster.


It somehow reminds me of South Park's take on Christian music in their episode "Christians Rock Hard". Worth watching even if you hate South Park.

Somehow I don't think it was the intention of Jesus to employ leaders who get 100% of their pay slips from the church.

The Apostle Paul - was a tentmaker - Peter was a fisherman - which were all very respectable professions in their day. All of the apostles (well, maybe not Judas) had an employable trade. Even Jesus Christ was a carpenter. Hey, did anyone consider why He even bothered to take up a profession? He could have began his ministry at 12 years old. Told everyone: "I'm not going to be a carpenter. What kind of job is that for the Messiah??? I'm going to be a Rabbi!!!" Then got crucified soon after etc..

But he didn't. And there's a good reason for that. He wanted to live with the people and get real and understand what their problems were, how humans lived, suffered and died, etc.. That's why the people Jesus seemed to hate the most were the religious authorities at the time who were totally out of touch with the people.

Maybe all our Christian leaders - including the Pope - ought to have a 2nd job and do church work part-time. That way they'd be more in contact with the world and familiar with the problems their congregation has. Otherwise, even life in an ivory tower seems fraught with dangers.

One sad aspect is that his own father failed to discern and recognize his son was having a serious problem for a very long time. Why couldn't the boy tell his father, an apparent godly man,  when he was 13 or 14 that he had this problem? I'll tell you why - the problem is that (many... some) "godly" people like pastors are so cloaked in their garment of holiness and pride that it is often hard for their loved ones to seek them as fathers and mothers. Day by day, they stand at the pulpit and pass judgement on the world - yet perhaps failing to see the sins in their life and family.

update: i guess another problem is that people in positions of leadership have a lot of pressure on them to behave in a certain way.
Think of Jimmy Swaggart, etc.. Clean, upright, moral reponsible. And its a hard job.  The problem is that if you admit weakness, then you look bad... face it humans are fallible. We screw up all the time. However, God gave us a brain which hopefully can make some sensible and rational and logical decisions, before we create such a horrible mess.

In the case of the young pastor, my sympathies are with him, he just dug a hole deeper and deeper. At least in his case he finally had the courage to admit his failings. That, he has my deepest respect. Its bloody hard to admit you screwed up so badly. But really it shouldn't have come to that. Sometime in the past, he should have just admitted at least to himself that he had a big problem that he had to deal with- and take some time out to fix it up... instead of brushing it under the carpet and worse, concocting that terrible lie about cancer.

I've encountered people like that- sad tragic cases. Sometimes you can't help them. The worse cases are when they are in self-denial and keep on digging on and on... refusing to admit they are wrong.

Pride and an unwillingness to repent or heed godly counsel. That's the oldest sin I reckon.

At that stage, its just time to move on. Get out. Leave. Say your final prayers for the fallen. And go do something else. Whatever you do, don't let the same bitterness that affected them - affect you too. Hence the term - the parents' sins will pass onto the next generation.



Oh dear. Christian pastor addicted to porn, lied about cancer

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/08/24/2344811.htm

Plain and simple. The preacher of a good Christian church lied about having cancer. And he's also addicted to porn. Disaster.


It somehow reminds me of South Park's take on Christian music in their episode "Christians Rock Hard". Worth watching even if you hate South Park.

Somehow I don't think it was the intention of Jesus to employ leaders who get 100% of their pay slips from the church.

The Apostle Paul - was a tentmaker - Peter was a fishermen. All of the apostles (well maybe not Judas) had an employable job. Even Jesus Christ was a carpenter. Hey, did anyone consider why He even bothered to take up a profession? He could have began his ministry at 12 years old. Then got crucified soon after etc..

But he didn't. And there's a good reason for that. He wanted to live with the people and get real and understand what their problems were. That's why the people he seemed to hate the most were the religious authorities at the time.

Maybe all our Christian leaders - including the Pope - ought to have a 2nd job and do church work part-time. That way they'd be more in contact with the world and familiar with the problems their congregation has. Otherwise, its life in an ivory tower which in itself seems fraught with dangers.





Saturday, August 23, 2008

Psalm 42

http://www.biblegateway.com is a great site to read the Bible in its various translations.

Today's Biblegateway verse comes from Psalm 42.

It seems very appropriate for today.


Psalm 42

BOOK II : Psalms 42-72
For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. [a]

1 [b] As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My [c] soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"

10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Friday, August 22, 2008

$20,000 fine for cockroach in Melbourne restaurant

I took a friend to the city for a meal recently - but I found that a lot of the Chinese restaurants were closed and undergoing renovations or just plain shut.

But you read this story and you can figure out why.

$20,000 fine for cockroach in rice


I guess the recent inspection blitz by the Health and Safety people must have uncovered a few skeletons in the closet. And so - since the shops get their license suspended for a few weeks - they might as well give everyone a holiday and get some renovations done. Afterall these jokers work 24/7.






Psalm 42

http://www.biblegateway.com is a great site to read the Bible in its various translations.

Today's Biblegateway verse comes from Psalm 42.

It seems very appropriate for today.


Psalm 42

BOOK II : Psalms 42-72
 For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. [a]  

1 [b] As the deer pants for streams of water,
       so my soul pants for you, O God.

 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
       When can I go and meet with God?

 3 My tears have been my food
       day and night,
       while men say to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?"

 4 These things I remember
       as I pour out my soul:
       how I used to go with the multitude,
       leading the procession to the house of God,
       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
       among the festive throng.

 5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and 6 my God.
       My [c] soul is downcast within me;
       therefore I will remember you
       from the land of the Jordan,
       the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

 7 Deep calls to deep
       in the roar of your waterfalls;
       all your waves and breakers
       have swept over me.

 8 By day the LORD directs his love,
       at night his song is with me—
       a prayer to the God of my life.

 9 I say to God my Rock,
       "Why have you forgotten me?
       Why must I go about mourning,
       oppressed by the enemy?"

 10 My bones suffer mortal agony
       as my foes taunt me,
       saying to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?"

 11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42

http://www.biblegateway.com is a great site to read the Bible in its various translations.

Today's Biblegateway verse comes from Psalm 42.

It seems very appropriate for today.


Psalm 42

BOOK II : Psalms 42-72
For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. [a]

1 [b] As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My [c] soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"

10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

When Men Cry: The Battle of Long Tan 18th August 1966

I like watching history documentaries, particularly ones involving wars. Its a bit like watching a chess game, and teaches you a bit about life too.

This week one of the docos I watched was the History Channel's award winning documentary on the Battle of Long Tan - during the Vietnam War.

Its an excellent documentary done with surviving eye witness and participants of the battle. What I found effective was the use of the original radio transcripts -  both conveyed the sheer horror and desperation the soldiers faced during that epic fight.

What I found confusing was the lack of detailed maps or a careful academic tactical discussion of the battle - but after watching the documentary for the third time I realized that it was not the intent of the producers to explain "a great battle" story. They were more concerned with the psychological aspects of the battle: the stress, emotions, the feelings of confusion and utter despair, the danger and in particular the feelings and thoughts of the soldiers as their friends were killed and wounded around them.

The soldiers had to return back to the battlefield the next day. And when they found the dead bodies of their comrades still in their firing positions - many with their fingers still on the trigger - the soldiers, men aged between 19 - 25 years old, cried like they had never done.

What I found particularly moving was at the conclusion of the doco - they did an interview of one of the soldiers' families who was killed. He didn't have to go - but he chose not to defer his enlistment. He was an only son - and his fiance was planning to wed.

They brought back his body to the front of his house in a horse drawn hearse. And then his mother opened all the doors and windows so that his spirit could visit each one - one final time.

I don't know why I found that particularly moving. But I cried when they recounted the story.


When Men Cry: The Battle of Long Tan 18th August 1966

I like watching history documentaries, particularly ones involving wars. Its a bit like watching a chess game, and teaches you a bit about life too.

This week one of the docos I watched was the History Channel's award winning documentary on the Battle of Long Tan - during the Vietnam War.

Its an excellent documentary done with surviving eye witness and participants of the battle. What I found effective was the use of the original radio transcripts - both conveyed the sheer horror and desperation the soldiers faced during that epic fight.

What I found confusing was the lack of maps or a tactical overlay of the battle - but after watching the documentary for the third time I realized that it was not the intent of the producers to explain "a great battle" story. They were more concerned with the psychological aspects of the battle: the stress, emotions, the feelings of confusion and utter despair, the danger and in particular the feelings and thoughts of the soldiers as their friends were killed and wounded around them.

The soldiers had to return back to the battlefield the next day. And when they found the dead bodies of their comrades still in their firing positions - many with their fingers still on the trigger - the soldiers, men aged between 19 - 25 years old, cried like they had never done.

What I found particularly moving was at the conclusion of the doco - they did an interview of one of the soldiers' families who was killed. He didn't have to go - but he chose not to defer his enlistment. He was an only son - and his fiance was planning to wed.

They brought back his body to the front of his house in a horse drawn hearse. And then his mother opened all the doors and windows so that his spirit could visit each one - one final time.

I don't know why I found that particularly moving. But I cried when they recounted the story.


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

32 Good Reasons Not to become a Marxist

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/aug/09/slavoj.zizek

I wonder why he absolutely hates seeing people he considers stupid - be happy? What a spoilsport.

Anyways... here's my 32 Questions...

When were you happiest?

When I received news that the govt had accepted my petition to remove a road reserve order on a heavily mortgaged property I was trying to sell (on behalf) of my family.

What is your greatest fear?

To be alone, lost in a strange country where I don't speak the language.

What is your earliest memory?

Being in a drain after ramming down a small concrete wall with my tricycle after my cousins had pushed me down the hill.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?

My friend ES Poh who came to Australia with just a technical cert and walked out a millionaire after 20 years. And who is humble, and willing to offer good advice.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Complacency

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Pride. Arrogance. Self-centerness.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

Saying something terribly rude about a friend without realizing it.

Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?

My Omega Speedmaster Watch.

What is your most treasured possession?

My peace of mind... otherwise my computer.

What makes you depressed?

A loved one treating me terribly, obnoxious, vile behavior.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My relatively short height. 170cm. I wish I was 180+.

What is your most unappealing habit?

Sloth, too much time on the internet.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?

A authentic Star Wars Stormtrooper armor uniform. (Then I'll get that wisecrack line- "Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?)

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Watching pretty young women.

What do you owe your parents?

My life. My sense of paranoia and low self-esteem...

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?

To God, for not trying hard enough.

What does love feel like?

Being wanted unconditionally, totally.

What or who is the love of your life?

Life itself. The golden sunset, the rainbow stretching from both ends of the horizon, a beautiful young woman.

What is your favourite smell?

Good food - especially when I'm hungry

Have you ever said 'I love you' and not meant it?

No. I'm a straight talker.

Which living person do you most despise, and why?

People who profess to be Christians and yet behave in despicable ways - tormenting their loved ones.

What is the worst job you've done?

Being on company clerk duty in the army.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

A close relative for not realizing she's not cut out for business and losing tons of money, repeatedly, and yet not repenting.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?

I wish my father was like a father to me, rather than a bully.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?

On the first day of creation to be with God as He created the World.

How do you relax?

Listening to classical music.

How often do you have sex?

Haha.

What is the closest you've come to death?

When I was 3 years old, I fell 10 feet (about 5 metres) onto marble floor.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

Money. Lots of it.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Negotiating with the Singapore Land Authority to remove that road reserve on that family property. An impossible task, yet by God's grace I pulled it off.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

That life is good and if there is order, logic, and rational thought, things can work out well for everyone.

Tell us a secret.

I'm heart broken and feel like killing myself.

Coldest August for 20 years

Lol. Maybe not. But seems like it. Record snow falls. Average weekly temperatures of 13C.

But when you've got a fireplace and a ton of firewood, you're laughing (as they say here).

So burn baby burn!!!


32 Good Reasons Not to become a Marxist

32 reasons not to turn to communism - click on the link.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/aug/09/slavoj.zizek

I wonder why he absolutely hates seeing people he considers stupid - be happy? What a spoilsport. I guess holding onto such utopian goals, and probably realizing deep down that communism is a flawed ideology and a fantasy that turns rotten faster than milk on a hot day, makes such idiots very cantankerous.

Anyways... here's my take at the 32 Questions...

When were you happiest?
When I received news that the govt had accepted my petition to remove a road reserve order on a heavily mortgaged property I was trying to sell (on behalf) of my family.
What is your greatest fear?
To be alone, lost in a strange country where I don't speak the language.
What is your earliest memory?
Being in a drain after ramming down a small concrete wall with my tricycle after my cousins had pushed me down the hill.
Which living person do you most admire, and why?
My friend ES Poh who came to Australia with just a technical cert and walked out a millionaire after 20 years. And who is humble, and willing to offer good advice.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Complacency
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Pride. Arrogance. Self-centerness.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Saying something terribly rude about a friend without realizing it.
Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?
My Omega Speedmaster Watch.
What is your most treasured possession?
My peace of mind... otherwise my computer.
What makes you depressed?
A loved one treating me terribly, obnoxious, vile behavior.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My relatively short height. 170cm. I wish I was 180+.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Sloth, too much time on the internet.
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
An authentic Star Wars Stormtrooper armor uniform. (Then I'll get that wisecrack line- "Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?)
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Watching pretty young women.
What do you owe your parents?
My life. And... My sense of paranoia and low self-esteem...
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To God, for not trying hard enough.
What does love feel like?
Being wanted unconditionally, totally.
What or who is the love of your life?
Life itself. The golden sunset, the rainbow stretching from both ends of the horizon, a beautiful young woman.
What is your favourite smell?
Good food - especially when I'm hungry
Have you ever said 'I love you' and not meant it?
No. I'm a straight talker.
Which living person do you most despise, and why?
People who profess to be Christians and yet behave in despicable ways - tormenting their loved ones.
What is the worst job you've done?
Being on company clerk duty in the army.
What has been your biggest disappointment?
A close relative for not realizing she's not cut out for business and losing tons of money, repeatedly, and yet not repenting.
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
I wish my father was like a father to me, rather than a bully.
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
On the first day of creation to be with God as He created the World.
How do you relax?
Listening to classical music.
How often do you have sex?
Haha.
What is the closest you've come to death?
When I was 3 years old, I fell 10 feet (about 5 metres) onto marble floor.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Money. Lots of it.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Negotiating with the Singapore Land Authority to remove that outstanding road reserve order on that family property. An impossible task, yet by God's grace I pulled it off.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
That life is good and if there is order, logic, and rational thought, things can work out well for everyone.
Tell us a secret.
Surprise, I'm depressed and feel like killing myself.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sandy Point, Wilson Promotery




Taken over 10 years ago... how time flies. It doesn't actually feel that long. Unfortunately, the photos didn't turn out so well in that scanning process. Need to read up more, I guess.

Sandy Point is this massively long beach near the National Park, Wilson Prom. Its on the coast of Victoria- beyond the horizon is Tasmania and after that, the South Pole. Cold, desolate and yet so magnificent and beautiful. Walking on that incredibly pristine beach at 8am is one of the closest experience you get to feeling like there on the First Day of Creation. For photographers, the place offers a lot of interesting shots as the ocean washes through that long pure sand beach.

I've got to learn more about photography and get myself a good SLR.

32 Good Reasons Not to become a Marxist

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/aug/09/slavoj.zizek

I wonder why he absolutely hates seeing people he considers stupid - be happy? What a spoilsport.

Anyways... here's my 32 Questions...

When were you happiest?

When I received news that the govt had accepted my petition to remove a road reserve order on a heavily mortgaged property I was trying to sell (on behalf) of my family.

What is your greatest fear?

To be alone, lost in a strange country where I don't speak the language.

What is your earliest memory?

Being in a drain after ramming down a small concrete wall with my tricycle after my cousins had pushed me down the hill.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?

My friend ES Poh who came to Australia with just a technical cert and walked out a millionaire after 20 years. And who is humble, and willing to offer good advice.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Complacency

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Pride. Arrogance. Self-centerness.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

Saying something terribly rude about a friend without realizing it.

Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?

My Omega Speedmaster Watch.

What is your most treasured possession?

My peace of mind... otherwise my computer.

What makes you depressed?

A loved one treating me terribly, obnoxious, vile behavior.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My relatively short height. 170cm. I wish I was 180+.

What is your most unappealing habit?

Sloth, too much time on the internet.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?

A authentic Star Wars Stormtrooper armor uniform. (Then I'll get that wisecrack line- "Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?)

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Watching pretty young women.

What do you owe your parents?

My life. My sense of paranoia and low self-esteem...

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?

To God, for not trying hard enough.

What does love feel like?

Being wanted unconditionally, totally.

What or who is the love of your life?

Life itself. The golden sunset, the rainbow stretching from both ends of the horizon, a beautiful young woman.

What is your favourite smell?

Good food - especially when I'm hungry

Have you ever said 'I love you' and not meant it?

No. I'm a straight talker.

Which living person do you most despise, and why?

People who profess to be Christians and yet behave in despicable ways - tormenting their loved ones.

What is the worst job you've done?

Being on company clerk duty in the army.

What has been your biggest disappointment?

A close relative for not realizing she's not cut out for business and losing tons of money, repeatedly, and yet not repenting.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?

I wish my father was like a father to me, rather than a bully.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?

On the first day of creation to be with God as He created the World.

How do you relax?

Listening to classical music.

How often do you have sex?

Haha.

What is the closest you've come to death?

When I was 3 years old, I fell 10 feet (about 5 metres) onto marble floor.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

Money. Lots of it.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Negotiating with the Singapore Land Authority to remove that road reserve on that family property. An impossible task, yet by God's grace I pulled it off.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

That life is good and if there is order, logic, and rational thought, things can work out well for everyone.

Tell us a secret.

I'm heart broken and feel like killing myself.

Dealing with Irrational, dysfuntional, illogical and distorted thinking people

Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC
PsychotherapyHELP
phannigphd@socal.rr.com
http://www.nvo.com/psych_help



How to Deal with the Irrational, Dysfunctional, Distorted Thinking and Behavior of Someone who is Making your Life --- A Hell On Earth!

Is someone making your life a Hell on Earth? If you haven't already checked my manual, "Coping With The Disorder," at  http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/services/, now is the time to do it. You can arm yourself with the strategies and techniques that work for taking care of yourself, fending off the Irrational behavior of others and keeping yourself on the calm track. So, you have been hit with the unwelcome, overwhelming surprise attack of someone else's disordered behavior and thinking. Perhaps, you have erroneously believed that you could be immune from such unfortunate instances. I am here to tell you that no one is immune to such occurrences and that it probably happens to everyone in the course of life. You are no exception. So, you better get ready to learn how to cope with the unfortunate and sometimes painful thinking and behavior of someone who is affecting your life. The following is a list of possible strategies for turning your situation into a winner's triumph.

    * Empower yourself legally: If someone is harassing you or doing something that is immoral, illegal, unethical and extremely distressful, you may have to empower yourself legally. If you cannot solve the problem internally between yourself and the other person, you may have to resort to securing a lawyer and pursuing the legal path. That is why we have divorce courts and other sections of the legal system. Make friends with the legal system, police departments and other agencies that you might need in case of an unwanted struggle with a difficult and/or unreasonable, uncooperative and even disturbed person. Never go into battle, unless you have your troops lined up. Otherwise, you'll be a sitting duck, operating from a weak and vulnerable position. Before you take such action, make sure you are thinking straight and that you are operating with well tested evidence. Check out your daily thinking, assumptions and bottom-line belief systems. Don't become seduced by your own rigid, and inflexible beliefs and perceptions.

    * Ride out the storm: Sometimes the best solution is to ride out the storm and wait for calm waters. Don't become over-reactive! You may find yourself doing something that you will later regret. Stay within your own well-defined value system. Don't do anything to harm yourself or anyone else! Stay calm and centered! Everything passes. Do not allow yourself to be baited into something destructive. Be proactive!

    * Learn from the experience: Even though this situation may be extremely distressful, it holds an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself, the other person, and the situation that you have fallen into. Try to make sense out of yourself and don't become exasperated because you cannot figure out the motives and intentions of the other person. Keep a journal and log all your thoughts and feelings. By writing through your difficult emotions, you'll discover hidden strengths, feelings and insights. This is a golden opportunity to learn. Stop bitching and rehabilitate yourself through self-expression, catharsis and thinking your way through it.

 

    * Support system: Take an inventory of those people who can support you emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. Make sure they do not contaminate you with their own biases. And make sure that they are truthful with you and don't just tell you what you want to hear. The people in your support system should help steer you to your own deeper reality. They should not reinforce or contaminate any of your irrational ideas and beliefs. They are there for you in order for you to get in touch with your real feelings and relieve/release pain. Hopefully, they will be supportive, neutral and refusing to take sides. Your support group should help you define your goals and look at your possible choices and options. They should never try to convince you to follow any specific course of action. They are there to give you opinions, but not to unduly influence you to do something that may cause harm. Keep it safe, ethical, moral and legal. It's okay to ventilate to your support people. But, don't make the mistake that what you are ventilating is absolute truth. You are just trying to get something out of your system.

 

    * Self Care: If you don't make the time to take care of yourself, it will take a toll. If you need a therapist, psychiatrist, social worker, counselor, priest or Rabbi, get one or two or three if you need a multi-systemic approach. Use the research method in order to find the right professional. medication, homeopathic, orthomolecular, multivitamin treatment protocols. Health psychotherapy is a wonderful new discipline. Eat right and exercise. A good gym can get your endorphins going and will fight off stress, anxiety and depression. Don't forget meditation, relaxation methods and my wonderful “Managing Stress and Anxiety” tape. Learn how to laugh again. Humor therapy is a must for lifting spirits. You can't laugh and be sad at the same time. Think about how you can help others, especially family members. If you have an aging parent, see that they join you in laughter and fun. Seniors who are in their 80’s don't need to be working heavy issues. It's time for them to live their remaining years in as much joy and pleasure as possible. Did you ever think about Sleep Psychotherapy? Every night when you go to bed, therapy takes place in your sleep. When you wake-up, take time to sort out the new information and insights that Sleep Therapy has given you.

 

    * Practice Non-Reactivity: Responsiveness begins in your mind and moves into your heart and then your soul. Observe your mental, emotional, and behavioral reactions to the difficult person. You have the capability of recognizing when you are being reactive and defensive. Develop a proactive approach to dealing with your internal thinking and your emotional responses. Determine what are your undesirable, unwanted internal thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself if these are toxic to you. Diligently learn how to get rid of them and restore yourself to a healthy and pleasurable state of being. Remember, it's not what happens to you that matters. It's what you do with what happens to you that counts. Do what works and refuse to remain in a toxic state of shock brought on by someone else's irrational, dysfunctional behavior. You can choose how you respond to what someone else dumps on you. Don't become a victim! Remember, everything passes and there is a time for enlightenment and recovery. There is a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. You will come out in the fresh light of the sun and into the clean air of being fully alive. Nobody can take your spirit away from you unless you give it to them.

    * Prayer: Whenever you are faced with a difficult person who brings you harm and distress, don't fight, retaliate, or try to seek revenge. Don't give yourself permission to use those tactics. Use the most effective response that creates the greatest benefit and causes no harm. I'm talking about prayer. I have yet to see prayer hurt anyone. In fact, the scientific evidence purports that prayer is highly effective and beneficial for accomplishing worthwhile goals and healing outcomes. If you try prayer, give it enough time to reinforce your bank of faith. Prayer only works if you have faith in the One that you pray to for deliverance. Even if you have very little faith, you might want to give it a try. After all, if you pray for yourself and your designated enemy, you are restructuring your internal emotional and cognitive structures towards a more positive result. It is much better to seek ways to help yourself and to help the disturbing person. After all, he or she can use all the help that he or she can get. There certainly is a realm of power that is much higher than your own. Why not tap into it? When you pray for another, you're also healing yourself. When you heal yourself through prayer, you heal entire universes. It would also be a great help if you could get other people to pray for you and the afflicted person. Visit my Power of Prayer page at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/prayerproject/. Spiritual psychotherapy is extraordinarily effective!

     * Turn the Tide to Your Advantage: Usually, a dysfunctional, distorted thinking/behavior person is trying to get some sort of need fulfilled by you in a destructive, dysfunctional, psychotic or neurotic way. In the process, they are driving you nuts. It's not that they are evil, although that may be a consideration. The disordered thinking certainly has a disastrous and negative effect. Instead of reacting in a negative annoyed way, think of how you can turn this situation to your advantage. Consider the gold nugget that is hidden in the other person's annoying behavior. If you think constructively, you may turn this situation into something that fulfills a need that you might have. The trick is to alert your brain to reveal to you an important need that you can get satisfied by working on this person's disordered thinking and behavior. Run a survey through your mind for past experiences where you were able to extract gold. Write down the first thing that comes to your mind where you had to deal with the disordered thinking and behavior of another person and you found a treasure trove that you never anticipated. Out of each loss and disaster, there is a golden opportunity for you to discover something that fulfills an important need in you. "There is gold in them there hills." No matter how hopeless and bleak your situation may seem and look, there is something in the middle of it that you can turn to your advantage and fulfill some greater need. In every desert there is an oasis!

    * Debug Yourself: If you are subject to extreme bugging by a spouse, relative or some other annoying person, check and label your negative reactions and commit yourself to finding effective strategies that move you forward to self-satisfaction. For example, withdrawal may seem like a good idea based on an automatic response. But, as a strategy, it may not solve anything. You can only render yourself safe by eliminating negative reactions and formulating positive goals and strategies. Fighting and struggling with the irrational ideas of another person may seem like a good idea. But, you may end up reinforcing the other person’s illogical position. Don't try to make sense out of the irrational. When a person becomes disturbed, they are already beyond the pale of using logic to see the error of their ways.

    * Irrational thinking and behavior is like a crazy fisherman using his body to lure a Great White Shark - and expecting you to follow. (See! He caught one using that method before! lol) If you expect a disturbed person to understand your logic, you will end up beating your head against the wall. Learn to expect irrational thinking and responses and you won't be surprised. In other words, don't expect the other person to live up to and match your logical expectations. They are usually in denial and they think the problem is you. What a trap! How did you get yourself into this situation? You are the target of a lot of dysfunctional accusations, blaming and destructive behavior. Don't be provoked or respond to provocation. Some people just don't feel valuable enough to deserve happiness. So they behave destructively and in ways that bring them down to the levels that they believe they deserve. If you feel you are being dragged down to the level of having to fight for your life, then change your expectations! It will be difficult for you to live with lowered expectations. But, a dysfunctional person cannot perform to a level where you can get your needs met. Either work with or fire them. Sinking ships can take the rescue crew down with them. You may have to save your own self and live to love another day. You will have to decide whether you want to feel guilty or not for abandoning or rejecting a person who is pathologically afraid of rejection and abandonment. Staying in a disordered situation beyond your emotional capabilities can be dangerous to your health and well-being. Timeouts are not a bad idea.

    * Cognitive Restructuring or change your thinking: Okay, someone is treating you lousy. You feel miserable, depressed, angry and cheated. Your world is falling apart from underneath and around you. You're probably asking, "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" While you are suffering and in pain, the reasons for your dilemma may not seem apparent. But, you are a talented and resourceful human being. You will come out of this alive and better for it. Life is not supposed to be fair. Narcissistic people erroneously believe that life should be fair. But, you know better! You can refuse to make yourself miserable over anything. Where is it written that you should not, would not, and must not be free of difficult and irrational people? Accept and embrace your hurt and pain and feel it to its deepest level where it disintegrates and falls to pieces, revealing a brilliant, expansive and beautiful universe. You are also thinking incorrectly when you believe that a disordered person should, must, ought to understand and be empathic to your feelings. You are further off the mark if you believe a disordered person is capable of treating you kindly, lovingly and with good intentions. They can't feel these feelings because of their disordered and irrational belief. Why would you expect them to be sane when the world inside of their minds is out of order? You will need to get real and not ponder over the way things used to be. For now, you are confronting Disorder.


 

Dealing with Difficult Relatives by Steve Pavlina

Dealing with difficult relatives by Steve Pavlina

With regards to the post on Dealing With Difficult People, several commenters asked follow-up questions on how to deal with difficult relatives, such as an overbearing parent or in-law. The original post was written in terms of dealing with difficult people with whom you have a professional relationship, such as your boss or a co-worker. But if the problem person is a relative and your relationship is personal instead of professional, that’s a whole different beast.

Define and verbalize your boundaries

You set the boundaries in your relationships. If those boundaries are crossed and the other person can’t seem to take the hint, you have to assert yourself to restore balance. If you have relatives who fail to respect your boundaries and behave as if the purpose of your relationship is for you to bend over backwards to satisfy all of their needs, you certainly aren’t alone. I’m talking about boundaries that you consider to be bottom lines that should not be crossed, ones that make you feel violated when they are. For example, if you value your privacy and a relative insists on frequent unannounced drop-in visits, that may be a bottom line for you. Or if your mother-in-law, Endora, keeps turning you into barnyard animals without your consent, you might feel it’s time to put a stop to it, especially if you begin craving grass while in human form.

The first thing to realize is that it’s perfectly OK to satisfy your own needs. A relationship that makes you feel violated isn’t healthy.

Correcting problematic relationships in a physical, external world sense is fairly straightforward. You must clearly define the boundaries you’re comfortable with, let the other person know what those boundaries are, and then enforce them. There isn’t much more to it than that. If your boundaries are reasonable, and the person is either unwilling or incapable of complying with them, you’re done — in most situations it would be foolish to continue such a relationship. It will only erode your self-respect.

If you’ve been going years without clearly verbalizing and enforcing your boundaries like a mature adult (i.e. you’ve been letting the other person treat you like a child for too long), most likely the other person won’t take you seriously at first. They may even react with a bit of shock (usually feigned) at the mere suggestion that you dare attempt to put restrictions on their behavior. Just let that person have their reaction, but stand your ground anyway.

Enforce your boundaries

There are many ways to enforce your boundaries. Here’s an approach I happen to like. Let the other person know that for the next 30 days, you intend to strictly enforce the boundaries you’ve described. And if that person violates your boundaries even once during those 30 days, you then begin a 30-day communications blackout. For 30 days you simply have no contact with the other person. No drop-in visits, no phone calls, no emails, nothing — unless it’s absolutely mandatory. After the 30-day fasting period, you can restart the original 30-day boundary-enforcement trial and repeat the process. Of course you should let the other person know you’re doing this — be totally transparent about what you’re doing. Also, let the other person know that you’re resorting to this process because they’ve left you no choice.

If the other person attempts to make contact with you at all during the 30-day blackout, the 30 days resets to day 1. If this happens more than a couple times and you reach the point where you’re pretty clear the other person has no intention of respecting your boundaries whatsoever, regardless of your attempts to enforce them, then you’re done. The relationship is dead, at least in its current form. If the other person can’t even respect your boundaries for 30 days, then what kind of future do you have together? It means that your boundaries will be trampled for as long as you allow the relationship to continue to exist in its current form.

This might sound a bit harsh, but keep in mind that before you reach this point, you’ve already expressed your needs clearly to the other person, and you were trampled. You owe it to yourself to take a step back and see if you really wish to continue this relationship at all. The 30-day blackout period is a time for both of you to re-evaluate your relationship from a distance. It’s also a massive pattern interrupt that let’s the other person know with certainty that they’ve crossed an uncrossable line, and enough is enough.

Disarm the primary weapon of guilt

If the other person attempts to use guilt as a tool of manipulation (which is extremely common), that’s fairly easy to overcome. Whenever you perceive the other person attempting to manipulate your emotions by making you feel guilty, bring the whole matter to conscious awareness by asking, “You’re not trying to make me feel guilty, are you?” The other person will probably deny it, but soon the pattern will re-emerge. Keep interrupting the pattern of falling into a state of guilt by bringing attention to the other person’s emotionally manipulative tactics. Simply keep asking questions like, “Why do you feel it necessary to attempt to use guilt as a tool of manipulation?” or “You must really find this upsetting if you feel it necessary to try to make me feel guilty to get what you want? Can we try a more mature way of discussing this perhaps?”

You don’t need to beat the person up about it, but put a stop to the weapon of guilt once and for all. If you refuse to enter the emotional state of guilt, it will allow you to be more compassionate in seeing that the other person is probably using guilt because they feel powerless. And if you can address that powerlessness, you have the opportunity to transform the relationship for good.

Who does the enforcing?

If the problem relative is an in-law (or equivalent if you’re not married), then the person most closely related to them is the one who must do the enforcing (i.e. your significant other). This is especially important in a marriage. You and your spouse must put each other first above all other relatives. If one of your spouse’s relatives is violating your boundaries, then your spouse must bring it to their attention and do the enforcing.

Problems of this nature are especially common in relationships between 20-somethings because you’re often in a transitional phase with how you identify your primary family. For example, if you’re living with someone, you may be getting closer to them while still thinking of your family as the one you were born into. But when you’re married with a couple kids, you’re likely to think of your primary family as your spouse and children. So for many people the 20s represent a period of shifting identities, a time when problems with other relatives can spike because they interfere with your romantic relationship, and your partner will bring it to your attention.

It’s not uncommon to be living with someone and building a close romantic relationship while gradually discovering the other person is still married to his/her “Mommy” (or equivalent). When you see this pattern occurring where you don’t have the leverage to enforce boundaries on your spouse’s relative, and your partner seems spineless about having a confrontation, then you have to enforce these boundaries with YOUR PARTNER by holding him/her directly responsible for the behavior of his/her relative. This has the benefit of pushing your partner to grow up (albeit sometimes kicking and screaming) and learning to put your needs first and “Mommy’s” needs second. Some people just need a good kick to get themselves out of childhood and into adulthood, especially during their 20s. In the long run, your partner will likely be grateful to you for his/her new spine.

If all else fails, run!

If the above solution fails, just up and move to another city. Many people swear their marriages have been saved by this solution.